~Cheritera

this 2-3 weeks mmg penat, hectic working schedule...well sgt busy.. but mcm biasalah..when u enjoy doing it, then takkan terasa kut .. time flies..just reached home, bukak computer and hard disk mcm dah nak penuh sgt with all stuff.so aku pun amek time to bukak all folders and files.more on clean up my hardisk.buang benda benda yg aku dah tak nak.. well tetiba dlm tuh ader notes.notes to someone.well it that notes dated somewhere around 2003.
so aku pun bukak that notes.. it actually draft notes aku buat nak paste kat email. and email kan kat someone..which i did email it to her. but no reply..

well . this is what basically what i wrote....

Dear letter,

you..i have something to tell you but i'm not sure how. i don't know what i should sed or do,to tell you this is something that not easy for me to do.but somehow rather i need to at least let you know ... i hope you will understand why i do this..okay. here it goes..

we met. we talked.. we laughed.. we shared . and what we don't realized, we getting closer to each other
each day... i might don't see it the way you did, but honestly i also felt it. tapi i kene buat² tak tau...

i was quite shock and speechless, what you said to me yesterday..what you want me to be..
you want me to be the very thing that i can't be...i know i shouldn't treat you that way..
but that's me... i know it is wrong treating you that way and to look at what i can't see...
this feeling.. what i felt towards you ..im sure it is right and also as well as wrong..
even though i know it is real and i dont want to run from it.. i can't run from what i felt.but....
you've been with him and it way way much too late for me....and i don't want to get up in the middle of that.

let me said this straight .. there is never a day that our love is ever to cross that line.
it just not right..for me..... you and him..

let me explained it here..the way i see it, you're his everything...even though you mean the whole world to me.
to him you belong but that doesn't mean that you can't count on me. kan?
well it's seems a lil bit unfair but we need to face it.. that's the truth kan?

yang paling i takut.. well i don't want to think.. what if he found out?.. what would happened.
he found out that i love you ! and he knows that we're more than friends? he is a good friend of mine... really hope that you understand it. why we can't be together..

to all of people out there, one thing i learned here, " cakap senang arr weii , bila kene batang sendiri baru kau tau..anything yg involved feelings.. jgn memain. to let her go was something not easy for me to do, but to keep her pun it was so painfull because i need to pretend mcm biasa in front of her bf." so aku pun buat decision yg sepatutnya aku buat... basically bf die pun kawan aku ..a nice fella.. a nice bloke.. kalau die jahat/nakal may be aku proceed kut.... well to all readers . nak cakap aku loser ke aper ke. cakaplah .. as far as im concerned... it's enough if i think im doing a rite thing.

ader yg cakap, i should proceed with her. provided aku can treat her better that her current bf... you should thing bout yourself jugaktakkan nak jaga perasaan org lain je kan .. think about yourself.. fight if you really love her.take her away from her current bf..

ader jugak yang cakap. tak baik. well its not your time kutt.. let her happy with her current bf. tak baik kalau kau kacau gf org..what comes around goes around kan? try forget her. there's a lot of other fish out there.. ( what if kalau aku nak that fish jee.) bugger..kene ke cakap mcm tuhhh..yang paling aku ingat.. some one told me this. " if you really love her.. let her go. if she comes back .. then you know that you guys belong together" WTF wehh.. kalau aku let her go.. what if she currently waiting for me? i mean . what if she waiting for me to come and take her away.. nie kau suruh aku let her go and wait for her to come?
crazy a$$ mutha pucker..

gilalah .. zaman purba dulu nie. time time aku muda dulu.. teringat balik mcm kelaka pun ader. well pengalaman.

thanks..

Mimpi~

Mimpi..
semalam aku mimpi .. tapi mcm betul betul terjadi.. the feelings… mmg mcm betul laa…..
tak pernah pulak aku mimpi mcm nie.. aku siap ingat lagi.. wat colour baju aku pakai.. mcm mcm design baju tuh..all the crowd..semua yg ader dlm mimpi tuh .. aku ingat semua.. mmg scary kut mimpi nieh..Tak tau mcm maner aku nak explain…tapi aku akan cuba..

Start with I'm feeling a bit nervous about me being here today.
Standing there with the crowd staring at me and I'm not real sure what I'm going to say or do.
Seem like I take so much time on staying silence and much of their time.
In my left pocket got a box which is a ring and YES It was my wedding day..

A few minutes earlier I had a conversation with her dad, told him that she’s my everything and all i want to know that it would be much more better if me and her dad on the same side and gave me his blessing..Because very soon very soon I'm hoping that.. I can marry your daughter and make her my wife. and told him that I want her to be the only girl that I love for the rest of my life and gave her the best of me till the I die..

As her walked down that aisle on the arm of her father, I can’t wait to smile.. Then the nervous things come again. Sweaty palm because she on her way to reach me and she’ll be the most beautiful bride that I’ve ever seen..She been with me since the day we met, up and down she still with me.. So don’t need to worry about me if I ever treating her bad…I’ve got most of my vows done so far. And till death do us part. Swear it to you straight from my heart.

yes I’m going to marry your daughter and make her my wife and I’m going to marry your princess and make her my queen.
There’s no doubt in my mind
it’s time, I’m ready to start my life with her.

Blind

when you got a little pouch.. i 'm blind to it
when you gain some weight.. i 'm blind to it
you can have a bad hair day. i 'm blind to it

wish you should see you the way i see you.
still dream of you
still in love with you
i love it all
everything you made of

New 2010~

ideal weight that i've been longing for~

Singapura 2010~

Trip to singapore sangat best sebab ader tourist guide . dulu pergi tau shopping and only concentrate area orchard je. sekarang banyak tempat boleh pergi dah.. thanks to our friendly tourist guide.next i will inform you guys earlier so that we can prepare a lot of things.


thanks for your hospitality man and izzati!

btw next time no more car trouble. bloody car alarm!

~Out Of The Mouth Speak

kali pertama aku melihat mu ..
mahu bersamaa. heheheheh ..
well it was the first time that i saw you .
the moment i lay my eyes upon you.. on you..
terus terasa ingin bersama .. lirik matamu..
tidak terfikir oleh akal fikiranku untuk berfikir sejenak..
tapikan ader sesuatu bila engkau senyum sambil melabuhkan pandanganmu kepadaku.
and oh yes yes u had a beautiful smile
wujud satu perasaan yang mengatakan bahawa engkau lain.full stop!
mungkin dari cara and i can feel your style . differ from others.
tewas and menyerah kalah dgn perasaan yang hadir. untuk mengenalimu.
tthough u different . but i can feel ur style.
tidak mendapat sign atau petunjuk yang aku perlukan..
and i started wondering if i was wasting my time or if it was real
mencari jalan yang betul dgn aku redha dan minta petunjuk dari-NYA
so i started seeking god for an answer and this is i what i felt

cuma ada satu yang tidak aku berkenan laa. mungkin your style of living..
way of your life.
sebabkan.....
when i want to go for a pray ..u tell me not too and please stay with me
when i wont sleep with you...u said im moving to slow
u asked me if i really need you? but i cant give u the answer or false hope
seem like we are unequally meant for each other

i thought we were unified but i was a false alarm
bila semuanya telah termaktud kita tidak boleh mengubahnya
walaupun it seem like we meant for each other
im sorry to tell you that u're not that i want
so im moving on with my life and i hope that you
find yourself a peace of heart
for i am seeking for a woman, a mother of my child ..
you just not my kind.
sakit, pedih untuk diterima atau ditelan tetapi itulah hakikatnya.
untuk terima segala kenyataan itu sangat pedih.

demi masa.
masa untuk aku mencari kebahagiaan.
segala pergorbanan
segala muslihat telah diguna pakai.
demi masa aku juga berhenti
cuba menjadi seseorang yang mengerti erti sebenar tanggungjawab
erti setia. erti mempertahankan hati hanya untuk dirinya seorang
penat lelah tidak boleh diukur
kerana dulu aku pernah lemas, tidak pernah sedar..
jahil , takut untuk berdepan dengan perasaan sebenar.
erti cinta yang telah lama mati dalam diri ini.
rasa bersalah yang sudah lama terpinggir dari hati aku ..
seperti kapal yang hampir karam.. malah tidak lagi terumbang ambing di pukul ombak.
rasa itu yang hampir pupus dalam diri aku ..

alhamdullilah berkat doa dan rasa yakin dalam diri ini.
aku kembali untuk melihat cahaya yang hampir padam.
berdiri sebagai seorang lelaki .
lelaki yang mahukan rasa yang telah lama pergi . kembali.
mencintai dirinya sepenuh hati ku..
memberikan segala yang aku mampu.

knowing U~

i woke up this morning and
there's something on my mind and I'm wondering why
somehow somewhat, i need to tell you that you the best thing that ever happened in my life
i know sometimes i don't do you right kan?
but you still stay with me.
you more than a woman and i pray to god that you will become my wife.

this time i want to do it right.
cause i know that i don't want to live without you in my life.
i don't want to be without you and i never love without you.
you're the only one in my life and i want to keep that.

i know a man not supposed to cry
but there's a tears in my eyes when i looked into your eyes
even though we got to go through a hard time sometimes
but you ease it out and u guarantee that we'll be alright
you took some away from my shoulder to pay some bills
this time i apologize .. for not being a man that I'm supposed to be.

now i finally see what u have seen in me
you brought a new life and help to turn my soul and help me to become a man.
your love is all i need. that's all.
like an angel you touch me now my life is change.
undiscovered love i discovered it through my everything which is you.
now i finally see what you mean to me..
my love was made for yours

never met a woman quite like you .. never
i remember long time ago that she wouldn't hold me or touch me at all.
that i knew and
i remember i was crying because she was the one who left me crying without a shoulder to lean on or cry on.
i remember lies, she was one of them that would look straight into my eyes and lie
even though i was almost through but i was so lucky that i ran into you.
im supposed that im glad that i know you.

i didn't knew what is love until i met "love".
wondering what would i do if i didn't know you.
running out of hope till i met you.
now i can stand up...

i remember angry
she had some issues that we couldn't work through
and oh she did make me remember jealous
always accusing me and now i bet she jealous of you
remember bye bye
she was one of them that was in and out in my life all the time.

tell her~

let me tell you one story about a good friend of mine.
he all alone, no one to lean on..
called me up late at night for an advice ...
he said that he don't have anyone else that he can talk too..

he got problems with his girlfriend and he told me that its gonna end soon.
no more lights.. end of the road..
asking me what should he do...

one thing i know for sure.. from the start
it took 2 heart to mend a broken heart
3 words can change everything actually.
simple like 1. 2 and 3 jer.
start to ask her ..

hows your day?
are you okay?
i miss you.
i need you..
i want you..
but most of all ... i love you!!!

we kept on talking till early morning..
just want to know the whole story of his.
till i understand what actually going on ..
i told him that i know what he can do to make things right..
one. when you talk to her..
let down your guard
tell her how you feel ..
speak from your heart
she 'll know the truth..it will be alright.
just be yourself..

sometimes love is hard.. but you should try to remember all the good times together.. you had from the start..
tell her that you love her!
tell her that you really want her!
tell her how you feel down deep inside.
tell her that no other girl can replace her..
promise you that she'll realize.